Gross Anatomy at 2...

The curiosity of little people is, on occasion, quite trying and sometimes baffling. Now in our house we have 2 small males, a teenage male, my husband and myself. This means that no matter what I am always out numbered and there is more testosterone floating around my home than in the average varsity locker room. It is, however, the littlest of these that make me shake my head with confusion, smile at his stubbornness, and sometime want to pinch his cute little head right off!
 
 My youngest child and often his closest brother have a mild aversion to clothing- not always, but in the evenings they have apparently been bound up too long and have to be free- free to roam my house naked or at least pant-less... Attempting to change this and make the Squeak put at least some underwear on has been a bit trying... Explaining that no one wants to see his "pee-bob" is a study in patience. My husband, is rather modest and is therefore baffled by my child's exhibitionist nature, but he hasn't always been so "covered". As a child he was known to streak the neighborhood dropping clothes at random only to end up at the neighbors house down the street buck-assed naked. Given these stories I am less baffled by the little monsters behavior.

However, the newest toy in his list of things to explore- is himself. To the horror of my husband who told him "Don't play with that or it will fall off..."

This is not his only brush with anatomy as of late....

With our newest attraction we have the following conversation. It typically goes something like this...

"Mommy? You don't have a pee-bob?"

"No, Squeak, boys have pee-bobs not girls- mommy is a girl..."

"That's right, only boys do not gewrls," replies Squirt." Mommy is a gewrl."

5 mins later

"Mommy? Mommy? Ar those your boobies?" pat, pat, pat with his little 2 year old hand as we all lay and watch cartoons...

"Yes, Squeak, those are my boobies- now stop mashing me..."

" I don't have boobies," he says while looking down and sticking out his little chest.

"No," says the squirt with all his 4 year old wisdom, "only gewrls do."

"Mommy? Mommy? Can I lay on your boobies?" as he scooches up close under my arm and puts his head down on my chest.

5 mins later

 "Mommy? Mommy? Are these your boobies?" pat, pat, pat...

Who knew that they would drive you so crazy while still sweetly curling up next to you..

the woes of farming...

So last year around now my husband comes to me and says, "Honey, I want to farm more."
To which I respond, " I know but we really can't afford you too."
"No," he says, " I will take care of all of it- you won't have to worry about a thing- it won't affect your budget or you at all."
Famous last words....

ours is almost this nice...

So now here we are a year and a lot of MY sweat as well as his sweat, blood and manly brooding  later to find ourselves with a bunch of really old equipment, a passel cattle and a tobacco crop that is in the barn. You might think that this should qualify as a good year. But, you would be mistaken! The weather here has been bad, really bad, and hot, really hot- this makes for a bad cure on the tobacco in the barns, not to mention poor growth of hay in the fields and really dusty feed. All this comes down to an oh shit situation...


Well the tobacco is in the barn but isn't curing properly- this means broken leaves, lots of waste and its brittle. All of this makes for less pounds in a bale. Obviously, you are paid on usable pounds so light bales are bad and right now we don't know if we have any usable sale product...

this is what you hope it looks like...

Ok, so we covered the tobacco issues now on to the rest- dry, hot weather means not enough hay- not enough hay means not enough cattle feed- enough said.

Last is the dusty feed- what we do have in hay that can be ground into feed is very dusty because of the dry weather- this causes respiratory problems in wean calves. This problem causes at least one dead calf and several more struggling and full of medication...

So, the famous last words of- "don't worry about any of it." are bogus! Of course I am worried because now we have calves dying, less hay than anticipated,with no alfalfa at all, and a tobacco crop that may not be acceptable to the buyers...

Naw, nothing to worry about! YEAH RIGHT...

farms, farming and the farm...

On first glance it appears the title here is nothing but a repetitive litany. However, in our house there is a large difference between these phrases and each entails its own quirks.

1. Farms- now where I am from a farm is something that has crops, typically in a large quantity and mostly edible. But here in the east south(?) a farm is any piece of land over 2 acres that has some sort of animal or outbuilding available on it. FYI this is not a farm- a farm is as described above and encompasses many more than 2 acres!

2. Farming- contrary to my belief this is not just working the land full of harvest-able, edible crops it is the process of anything agricultural. Again the venacular of the area throwing me for a loop. Just so we are clear- farming is the process of working dirt to grow said edible crops...

3. The Farm- is the not just any farm but home of my in-laws, which entails approximately 55 acres, cows, a dog, several cats, barns, and lots of random equipment. Ok, here this is the way of distinguishing location, Although as of last year- we have grown to have "the farm" and "the new farm" (the lease we hold)

Now I explain this all for a reason. In our house we have a farm (leased) but we do not grow crops, well maybe a bit of hay and an odd tobacco patch, that are edible by humans-  we have cattle instead.  We farm but it is cattle we raise not crops. At "the farm", where husbands parents live and my children occasionally filch a meal (if I am lucky), is where my husband spends his entire life free time. 

Now many may ask what difference does it make- a rose by any other name and all that- but in reality there is a world of confusion created by these terms.

So for all you westerners, anyone west of the Mississippi River that is, we have a cattle ranch of about 155 (shared) acres where we run 35 cattle pairs, we have hay, a small alfalfa patch, and some tobacco.

Now hopefully it is clear- we are not dirt farmers (not that there is anything wrong with that) and we do not row crop anything...

For further questions see the unabridged version of the Crazy People who Talk Funny Dictionary!